Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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