my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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