I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
