yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need water and some morals
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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