I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
