my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
