I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
