Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
