Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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