in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think your dad took our porno
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
