I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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