Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
