And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize