Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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