Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
