So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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