and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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