You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
