i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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