Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
