people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
