he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
