Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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