A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
