I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
