if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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