We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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