I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
