is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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