the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
