I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
