I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize