OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
