It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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