who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
