Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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