oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
