i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
