no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
