Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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