its not stalking. its research.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
