Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But theres a keg here and me gusta
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
