Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
