Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
