My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize