47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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