I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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