i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
