so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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