I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
