I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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