i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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