I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
