over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
