Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
