No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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