i love accidental penises.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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