I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
