didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
