And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
