normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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