Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
