I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
