I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize